The Titch Age
by E arth. K id. T ree. H ugger
Summary: What if Dave and Gee knew each since birth? If they'd been best friends forever. And both liked each other? Would they still get together or would they be afraid of ruining their friendship? Both 12 years old. G/D
1. Empty J20 Bottle

_**A/N: I was thinking one day, 'what would happen if Dave and Gee had known each other since birth and were best friends all their life? Would they get together? Or wouldn't they because it'd affect their friendship? So I decided to write a fanfic of it. Gee and Dave are 12, nearly 13 here. And yes, Gee still goes to the same school and Dave goes to Foxwood. **_

_**Well – I have yet ANOTHER story. Jeez, will I ever stop? You guys better leave me lots of reviews cos writing FanFic for you guys made my report card suffer: I didn't do my assignments til the last minute and I didn't study cos I was on FanFic. Writing. For you. So reviews would be vair appreciated.**_

_**Oh, and I'm dedicating this first chapter to Hornmeister Lover, who has written lots of fabby stories that you should read. Go on, you know you want to. Hornmeister Lover is vair nice and has R&Rd all of my Gee Nicks stories even if I've thought they were crap. So Hornmeister Lover, this first chapter is dedicated to you.**_

**Friday 13****th**** June**

God, I am SO bored it is unbelievable.

Nothing to eat – unless you like moss-covered bread, that is.

No-one to play with – oo-er – unless you like playing with mad little baby sisters who throw food.

I suppose I could ring up a mate, but I'll bet almost anything they're all vole-hunting with Jazzy Spazzy.

Even Rosie, cos she thinks she might find a wild beard.

As if!

When Jazzy rang me up to see if I wanted to go vole-hunting, I just said, "Do I look mad?" and she said, "Actually Gee you are not normal – in fact you are the most bonkers person I know – apart from Dave of course."

Oh my giddygodspyjamas!

Dave!

How could I have forgotten about him?!

He's like my best mate.

Ever.

And we have been best mates for ever.

Ever since we were born, pretty much.

Our mums were in hospital having us at the same time, and they became really good mates.

I dunno how – they're both vair different.

But actually, they're both mad.

But in different ways.

So yeah, our mums were in hospital having us at the same time: Dave's mutti had him three hours before my mutti had me.

When we were little, we used to call ourselves twins and wish we were really brother and sister.

I'm glad we're not, though, cos he's vair groovy-gravy and he has dreamy eyes…

And basically, I like him.

And that would be gross and incestuous if we _were _brother and sister.

I mean – erlack!

But thank God I don't lose the ability to talk around him like I do with boys I used to have crushes on.

Maybe that's cos we've been best mates for so long it's impossible to lose the ability to talk.

Anyway, I'd best ring him if I want something to do.

Oo-er!!!!!

"Hello, you have reached Mr. Laugh, if you require a prank to be played press one, if you want to hang out with the Hornmeister press two, and if you want to do phone sex, I'm sorry but you should hang up now, as I don't do phone sex – it cheapens things."

"Hey Dave."

"Hey Gee. I told you to hang up if you want phone sex – I told you it cheapens things."

Bloody hell.

He can be so annoying sometimes.

"Very funny. Do you want to come over and hang out? I am _sehr _bored."

"Yeah, okay, but first I have to tell me fan club that I am sorry, they have to go, as I am coming to visit my best mate."

"Okay, S'laters. And Dave?"

"Yep?"

"Never eat anything bigger than your head."

"I won't. As long as you don't eat anything smaller than a flea." (A/N: the 'never eat anything smaller than a flea' thing comes from my best mate, Fern. I said I had to go on msn once, and she said s'laters and I said 'never eat anything bigger than your head' and she said 'never eat anything smaller than a flea'.)

**10 minutes later**

He only lives in the next street!

How does it take so long to tell his fan club to bugger off?

Oh, and he DOES have a fan club by the way.

All of the girls in my year at my school love him.

They hang around outside his house and everything.

It's verging on stalkerish, actually.

I may ring him and tell him to hurry up.

"Namaste. Hello, this is Lily, administrator of Lily-Flower Yoga Studios , how may I help you?"

"Hey Lily – it's Gee. Is Dave there?"

"Hello Gee, sweetie! I'll just call him – DAVE!!!!!!!!!!! Georgia's on the phone – how are you anyway?"

"I'm actually pretty bored. In fact, I am vair bored. How are you?"

"Oh, I'm good thanks, I'm just organising a yoga retreat for next week."

Oh, she'd better make sure Dave's not there.

He'd play pranks on everyone there and scare everyone off.

Have you heard how he answers the phone?

I bet Lily loses a lot of customers cos they think it's some weirdo's house and not a yoga studio.

She'll have to ban him from answering the phone soon.

"Gee?"

"Dave, how the hell does it take you 10 minutes to tell your fan club to bugger off? Get over here now!"

"All right Gee, calm down. They've gone, I just have to sort some things out and then I'll be over. Don't worry. I'll be at yours in half an hour."

And then he hung up on me.

The nerve of him!

And half an hour?

What am I supposed to do til then?

Tell me.

It's unbelievable.

**20 minutes later**

Ho hum pigs bum.

You know, I'm actually quite enjoying myself.

What am I doing?

Well, I found an empty J20 bottle and its lid, and I've been putting the lid back on and taking it off again with a bottle opener.

_**(A/N: It's actually really fun. I was being forced to endure dinner with my dad and his friend, and I had a J20 bottle and bottle opener and played with that for ages. Vair vair amusante!)**_

**10 minutes later**

Doorbell rang.

Dave!

I went to open it.

"Dave!" I said.

"Sex Kitty!" he said, and hugged me.

He always calls me that – makes me feel vair coolio.

Despite the fact that I have the biggest nose known to humanity.

**30 seconds later**

Dave kissed my cheek and walked right through the door without being invited in.

He always does that – I suppose this is his second home, he spends a lot of his time here.

But back to the important stuff: Dave kissed my cheek!!!!!!!!!!

He's never done that before.

I feel a bit dazed.

**1 minute later**

"Gee?" Dave's come to the doorway.

Yes I'm still standing there.

"You alright?"

"Nnnnghh."

For the first time ever, I have lost the power of speech around Mr. Laughy Man.

_**A/N: Did you like it?**_

_**Were Gee and Dave enough like their normal bonkers selves? Tell me in a review – you know you want to. I know I want you to.**_

_**Haha.**_

_**Lol.**_

_**Oh, and there's a FaceBook group that I joined and I reckon you should probably join too – but only if you lurve the Laughy Man. It's called I Fancy The Pants Off Dave the Laugh.**_


	2. You May Be Next

_**A/N: Well HELLO HELLO HELLO! You have here the second chapter of The Titch Age. Those of you who read my other stories will know that my author's notes are usually vair long, but I can't think of anything to say, so I'll just say that this is Dave's POV of the recent events, and enjoy!**_

"_You alright?"_

"_Nnnnghh."_

_For the first time ever, I have lost the power of speech around Mr. Laughy Man._

Dave POV

**Friday 13****th**** June **

**4.30**

Thank God the school year is nearly over, that's all I can say!

It is so boring!

Thank God me, Ed, Rollo, and Dec bring laughiness into it.

I swear everyone at school would literally die of boredom if I wasn't there.

No kidding – I'm serious.

Well, no, not serious.

I'm NEVER serious.

Being serious is so boring!

It's like the opposite of laughing.

Walking home from school is fun though.

Usually.

I either walk home with Gee – which isn't often as one or the other generally has detention – or I walk home by my self with my fan club following.

Yeah, you heard right.

I have a fan club.

They're mostly girls from Gee's year at her school.

They all lurve me cos I'm a larf and basically gorgeyness personified.

They all hang around my house too.

It really annoys Mutti's yoga students, because to get in, they have to navigate themselves through a bunch of girls, ages ranging from eight to thirteen.

"Dave!" Mutti yelled, "Can you go and hang out with on of your friends because your fan club won't leave until you do, and they are annoying the hell out of me! I'm trying to meditate."

Well why not?

I can go visit Gee.

I'm sure I can prank her and then we can go scare everyone since it's Friday the thirteenth.

Prime time for pranking.

The slightest thing terrifies people.

I scared a lot of people at school today – the first formers got particularly scared.

They are scared of me anyway as I am the biggest practical joker in the second form.

Actually I'm the biggest practical joker in the whole school.

Rollo and I stole a red fountain pen, and wrote in spooky writing:

_I am the ghost that resides in this classroom._

_I was a student here and I was murdered in nineteen-thirty-two._

_Beware – you may be next._

And then we ran the paper under the tap and left it on Phil the Nerd's desk.

Comedy gold.

So anyway, I was just about to ring Gee, when the phone rang.

Great.

Probably was one of mutti's yoga students or a soon-to-be student.

I would have to answer the phone properly if it was.

I checked the caller ID.

It was Gee.

So I answered the phone.

"Hello, you have reached Mr. Laugh, if you require a prank to be played press one, if you want to hang out with the Hornmeister press two, and if you want to do phone sex, I'm sorry but you should hang up now, as I don't do phone sex – it cheapens things."

Don't worry – I don't answer the phone like that unless I know whoever is calling.

If it is an unknown caller or someone important, I answer vair vair normally.

If it's them, I'll say. "Hello, Laugh and General Hornmeister speaking. If you are inquiring about yoga, tell me and I'll get my mum."

Vair sensible.

Mum'd ban me from answering the phone if I answered like I answer the phone when it's Gee.

"Hey Dave," Gee said.

"Hey Gee. I told you to hang up if you want phone sex – I told you it cheapens things."

I could tell she was a bit annoyed.

"Very funny. Do you want to come over and hang out? I am _sehr _bored."

Fine, so she only wants me to come over when she's bored?

That's nice isn't it?

"Yeah, okay, but first I have to tell my fan club that I am sorry, they have to go, as I am coming to visit my best mate."

Shouldn't take too long to say ta-ra to my fan club.

If I told them to jump off a cliff they probably would.

Ah, I have so much authority and power.

"Okay, S'laters. And Dave?"

"Yep?"

"Never eat anything bigger than your head."

"I won't. As long as you don't eat anything smaller than a flea," I said.

It was the Dave 'n' Gee standard drill.

Every since we were little, it'd been something that we'd always say to each other.

I dunno how it started really, but it was tradition.

**Outside telling my fanclub to bugger off**

I stepped outside, and all of these squeals erupted.

Oh good God.

"Okay," I said, "Now you all must get on your camels and leave, because I shall be leaving and I would like some peace thankyou."

They all started shuffling off.

Except for quite a pretty girl who goes to St Mary's.

She stayed, looking shy.

I walked over to her.

"Hey," I said.

"Nnnggg."

Good grief.

Why do girls say that around me?

Thank God Gee doesn't, that'd be really weird.

I mean… it's totally showing idiocy because it proves you can't speak.

"Yes? I'm sorry, you're going to have to go because I really have to get ready to meet a friend," I said, quite patiently, I think.

She blushed, said "I love you Dave!" and ran away.

Good grief.

Well I am _sehr_ popular and I am the biscuit, so I suppose I can't expect anything different, can I?

Oh my God!

I totally forgot.

I HAVE to readjust my plan to make Gee fall totally head-over-heels in love with me.

It's funny, every other girl in this town has the Horn for me, but Georgia doesn't.

And she's the only one I wanna go out with.

**10 minutes later**

Phone's ringing.

Can't be bothered to answer it, Mum will.

**1 minute later**

"DAVE! Georgia's on the phone!"

Oh, I'll bet she's whinging that I'm not there.

I know she loves me – but not in the way I'd like her to.

She loves me like a brother.

I wonder if things'd be different if we'd not known each other since birth.

But maybe then I wouldn't like her the way I do…

I don't think I'd change growing up together for the world.

It just might take longer for her to want to snog me whenever she sees me.

**At the phone**

"Gee?"

"Dave, how the hell does it take you 10 minutes to tell your fan club to bugger off? Get over here now!"

"All right Gee, calm down. They've gone, I just have to sort some things out and then I'll be over. Don't worry. I'll be at yours in half an hour."

And I hung up.

Blimey, she's impatient, isn't she?

Okay, back to my plan.

**Walking to Gee's house**

Okay, so I'm going to kiss her cheek for the first time EVER.

Well, ever since we've been about six or so.

I hope she doesn't hit me or anything.

Knowing Gee, she will.

Gee isn't afraid to express herself.

Haha.

**Gee's house**

I rang the doorbell, and almost as soon as I took my finger off the bell the door opened.

"Sex Kitty," I said, and hugged her.

I ALWAYS call Gee either Sex Kitty or KittyKat.

I don't quite remember how it started, but I think we were about seven or so.

I should probably kiss her cheek now.

No!

I can't!

She'll punch me.

_Oh go on, Davey-Boy and just do it!_

Well okay, Brain, here goes.

Wow.

I've actually done it!

Haha!

The Hornmeister is AWESOME.

If I do say so myself.

And I do.

Say so myself, that is.

I walked through the door to the lounge room, expecting Gee to follow me.

When she didn't I walked back to find her looking dazed.

Hmm.

"Gee? You alright?" I ask.

There must be something wrong with her.

"Nnnngghh."

There most definitely IS something wrong with her.

I know this because she just said 'Nnnngghh'

Gee NEVER says that.

She's not an idiot.

And she CAN speak.

Hmmm…

_**A/N: Did you like it? Oh Dave and Gee are les idiots aren't they? They both fancy the pants off each other and think that the other doesn't like them that way.**_

_**Haha.**_

_**Well, review, and that'll encourage a faster update!**_


	3. It's All His Fault

_**A/N: Hey groovers! Thanks for all of your lobely reviews, they are sehr appreciated. **_

_**Oh, and this chapter has two names, you choose which you like best. "It's All His Fault" OR "The Mystery Of Nnnnnggggghhhh"**_

_**It's your call.**_

_Last time in Gee's POV_

_**1 minute later**_

"_Gee?" Dave's come to the doorway._

_Yes I'm still standing there._

"_You alright?"_

"_Nnnnghh."_

_For the first time ever, I have lost the power of speech around Mr. Laughy Man_

"Er, Gee?" Dave said, looking weirded out.

"Nnnnnnghh?" I said.

Damn!

I meant to say, "What?", but nnngh came out.

Brilliant, bloody brilliant.

Why did Dave have to kiss me, anyway?

If he hadn't I wouldn't have lost the power of speech.

It's all his fault.

I looked at him, pretending he was Spotty Norman (erlack).

"Dave," I said, "What is it you wanted to say?"

Erlack, erlack, Spotty Norman, get out of my head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Gee, what I want to know, is what causes 'Nnnnngggghh'?"

Oh damn.

I went bright red, and dithered like Ellen.

"Ermm, why do you… er, want to, erm, know? Or something…?"

"Well because today when I was telling my fan club to bugger off, one girl stayed and when I spoke to her, she said 'nnnnngggghhh' and I told her she had to go and she said 'I love you Dave.' "

Oh damn.

He's gonna figure it out in a minute unless I figure out some story to give him about nnnnggghhh.

"Erm, well nnnngghh is when you lose the power of speech."

Oh damnity damn damn.

I didn't want to tell him.

Oh well, it was only half of the truth.

"I know that," Dave said.

"So what do you want to, um, know?"

Oh crap.

He's gonna ask WHY we lose the power of speech and nnngghhh isn't he?

"Why do girls lose the power of speech? Give me a nnnnggghhh example."

Oh damn.

It's worse than I thought.

Alright, I'll have to lie.

"Well," I found myself saying, "you say nnnnggghhh when you get a bad case of jelloid-knickers. Say I was meeting, um, Tommy Bastowe (A/N: hahaha you like that example? I do.), well if he said hi or kissed me or whatever, then I would get a bad case of jelloid-knickers."

Oh CRAP!

And poo.

And merde!

And scheisse!

Why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh WHY did I not lie?!

Because I am _le _idiot of the first water.

"Sooo," Dave – I mean pretend Spotty Norman – said. "You lost the power of speech because I kissed your cheek?"

Oh this Spotty Norman thing is NOT working, it just makes me want to vomit at the thought of him snogging me.

I mean, erlack!

"Um… yeah?"

"So I am as hot as Tommy Bastowe is?"

"Well, no, I just couldn't see you so I pretended it was Tommy Bastowe kissing my cheek and that's how I um, got a bad case of jelloid-knickers. Yep, that's right. It's not, AT ALL because you're groovy looking. It's NOT!"

"You pretended I was Tommy Bastowe?"

"Um, yeah."

"So that means that I look quite like him?"

"No…"

"Well then it was because of me because I'm a groovy biscuit!"

Oh God, he's up himself.

"Dave you're so up yourself."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Not."

"Are."

"Not."

"Are."

"Shut up," Dave said.

He picked me up from behind and carried me over to Angus' area of the kitchen.

"Admit that I'm not up myself or you get dropped in Angus' litter tray. By my count of three. One… two… two and a half…"

_**A/N: Hahaha. Will he drop her or not? Lol. Well you'll have to review to find out…**_

_**And if you're stuck waiting for me to update, why don't you read some of my others? Haha. Well, did you like that I used Tommy Bastowe as an example? I thought it was quite appropriate as he plays Dave in the movie.**_


	4. Erlack, Erlack, Erlack

_**A/N: I'm sorry! I've just got so many stories going on, but I fainted at school today and got sent home early, so I'll write you a chapter now.**_

_He picked me up from behind and carried me over to Angus' area of the kitchen._

"_Admit that I'm not up myself or you get dropped in Angus' litter tray. By my count of three. One… two… two and a half…"_

Oh God.

I did NOT want to get dropped in the litter tray – erlack erlack erlack!

I didn't want to get dropped in, and I wanted him to know he's up himself – I wasn't going to say he wasn't!

So I did the only logical thing I could think of.

I snogged him.

OHMYGOD, I snogged him?! How did that happen?

I don't know, but it did what it was meant to do.

He put me down and snogged me back.

Ahh, I've got THE WORST case of jelloid knickers ever.

And I mean, ever.

**1 minute later**

Am still snogging.

OHMYGOD, I, Georgia Nicolson, am SNOGGING Dave the Laugh.

How the HELL did that happen?

He and I are just matey-mates.

Although I _do _fancy the pants of him.

And it seems he fancies moi too.

If we did exchange troths, would we still be such fabbity-fab mates even if we did get our original troths back from each other?

Oh merde.

I don't want to stop being such a fabbity-fab mate of Dave the Laugh, no matter what snogs I might get for a while.

**Dave POV**

Oh fabby!

I don't know why I threatened to drop Gee into Angus' litter tray, but I'm sure glad I did.

Cos Gee just turned around and snogged me!

So she _did _like me all this time.

Or maybe it was a spur-of-the-moment fiasco…

Nah, I don't think so, cos otherwise she wouldn't have snogged me after I put her down.

So I should have asked her to be my Horn Partner aaaaaages ago.

But what if we had a little tiff and decided to un-partner our Horns?

Would things get weird?

Would I lose my best friend since birth and the only person with whom I can really talk (mainly wubbish, but she understands my bonkers brain)?

Would I really want to give that up for a few snogs?

**Gee POV**

We pulled away from one-another, and I opened my mouth and said, "I think maybe we shouldn't be doing this," at the same time Dave said the same thing.

So he's been thinking the exact same thing as me then.

"Gee, I _do _like you in a troth-exchange way, but I don't want run the risk of losing my best friend, all for the sake of having a reason to go around and snog you. You mean a lot to moi, KittyKat, and I don't want to lose you."

He's definitely thinking the same as _ich_ then.

"Same here. I have REALLY fancied the pants off you (oo-er) for AGES, but now that I've snoggled you – and by the way, Biscuit, you are a sehr marvy snogger – I've thought (I know, I actually thought something that isn't rambling wubbish) that maybe I'd lose you if something happened, like we took back our own troths or something."

Dave looked like he was thinking too.

And then he said, "I _knew _I gave you stupid-brain. Haha, the Biscuit triumphs again! Well, KittyKat, since I enjoyed that snog so much, why don't you give me another one before we go our separate ways. Well, separate in the way of the Horn, anyway."

Oh he's such a cheeky cat.

Before I could answer, he was already snogging moi, and really, I didn't want to protest.

He might get upset with me.

Well, that's my excuse, anyway.

**Dave POV**

I don't know why I asked Gee for another snog, I mean, we'd decided it might impact on us being such good friends.

And I _really _don't know why she agreed. Well, let me snog her, and snogged me back – but that's the same thing really.

Well, actually, I _do _know why she agreed.

Cos I am absolutely GORGEY, and she just can't resist me.

Just imagine one of those grinning emoticons that msn can't actually do, so you have to rely on a code like ;D so that the smile is big enough. Cos that's my inward expression right now.

I just luuuuuurve being Mr. Irresistible, it's très fabby.

But wait – I shouldn't be doing this.

Not with Gee.

I think I need to get myself a proper girlfriend so that I don't get tempted by Gee.

But I can do that later…

**Gee POV**

Wowzee wow – number 5 with Dave the Laugh.

But I shouldn't be doing this.

Not with Dave.

I think I need to get myself a proper boyfriend so that I don't get tempted by Dave.

But I can do that later…

_**A/N: Haha their brains are so samey-same they were thinking the same thoughts. Oh, and I didn't plan this plot. I actually intended for them to try and get the other to fall in love with them for a while, but this sort of came in. LOL!**_

_**Anyway, the sooner you review, the sooner there'll be a new chapter. I need you to show me that this takes priority over all of my other (many) stories for me to update. Cos I do have a lot, and the ones where I can see more people are reading them AND reviewing get the quickest updates.**_

_**So what are you waiting for? Press that little button!**_

_**Go on, you KNOW that you desperately desperately want to!**_

_**Oh, and btw, I only finished this today, not on Thursday, when I fainted, cos I was too faint to stay on the computer so I went to bed.**_


End file.
